I Need Your View...

Seraph · 02-12-08, 10:03 AM

Im trying to write a story, and atleat finnish it for once in my life.
My friend said it was the best one yet and i should finnish it. lol i want your view considering it has a Final Fantasy VII Touch to it. Its about a girl, who's only 9 in this part, who has spent her life growing up in an puzzeling & mystical enviroment. Her mother was involved with Witchcraft (she's like as summoner) and her father, an Alchemist/Deity thing. The first 2 paragraphs are Chapter 1. The third paragraph is a bit of Chapter 3. (Materia like objects are involved) She is trying to Summon Shiva, like her mother. Who is trying to find away to summon without these Orbs. Anyhoo....(Please exuse Spelling mistsakes)

In the stable. At Midnight, Sophine was there. Looking up at the roof, the rain driped through it slowly. As lightning struck the barn roof her horse, Cato, paniced.
"Cato! Its Thunder!" She growled. Getting on her knees, she wisperd "If Alchemy says its impossible, and Witchcraft says it too, then we are doomed to live with Orbs. There must be another way..." Holding her grandmothers pendant, tightly. She layed down an anchient piece of tapestry on the floor. This was said to hold anchient powers of the god, Shiva. She took a deep breath.
"Grandmother, lets see if you were right..." Sophine closed her eyes and began to chant. Then faster and louder. It was as if word by word, the storm became stronger. Cato then ran. She opend one eye, slightly, and watched Cato gallop in the distance. But this did not worry her, her main focus was the tappestry. Her pendant began to glow, her body lifted itself from ther floor and purple and blue lightning surrounded her body. Then a thin pure beam of light came from the pendant. As she opend both eyes and looked at the paendant, she saw that it was not coming out from her pendant, but from her heart. She screamed. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Sleeping in bed. Sophines mother lay awake. Thinking about why she and her daughter were so apart. Resently leaving to that barn, every-day.She thought about her descusion with her daughter about how she could summon, and how her grandmother belived in a life without these Orbs. Summoning without them.
"Sophine..." She wisperd, a tear ran across her face. She got up. Walked upto the cupboard, opening the two doores. She got out a box. A Silver box decorated in black pearls and red diamonds. She placed it on the vanity table. She gentaly opend the lid. The box was emty.
"Sophine!" She paniced, rushing to Sophine's room, slamed it opend. She ran to the bed. Her mother lifted the blanckets, to see her pillow and her teddy. Thats it.
"Sophine, Please, God no..."

The Rain poured down, standing there, watching the rain pour. Thinking of ten years ago, Sophine looked at the sky. Her heart began to glow a bright red.
"Its Coming. Armagedon. Its Coming.."

Sooooooooooooo....What do you think? Tell me please! lol, Thank You For Reading this bit! ^_^

Kazaf · 02-12-08, 11:59 PM

It took me about 15 minutes to read this story

but..... your story is really worth to be readed. good job, MC.

btw, Cato is a strange name for a horse O_o

Seraph · 02-13-08, 11:43 AM

I Know, Cato is the oddest name in the world for a horse.

But it was on a list of Pet Names for horses. O.O'

Anyways, It also means Wise. He was basicaly saying 'This doesnt look good' when it stormed. And plus, The last two lines said it all realy. My Friend said

'Those last lines say everything about Sophines past, and her nature...

Kazaf · 02-13-08, 11:42 PM

the last one is my favorite phrase:
"Its Coming. Armagedon. Its Coming.." ^_^

I'm looking forward to read through a full version. Have ya finished it yet?

Seraph · 02-14-08, 07:02 AM

Nope. Im on Chapter 3, still. Im trying to make it perfect! lol yay! ^-^

Kazaf · 02-15-08, 09:06 AM

Ok, keep me in touch :)) good luck with your story

Seraph · 02-15-08, 10:29 AM

Thank You! ^_^ Once Iv Finished it. I'll Put it Up On MyFFNet!

Ominous · 02-15-08, 10:49 AM

Tell some more its good! What happen to the horse?

Seraph · 02-15-08, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ominous

Tell some more its good! What happen to the horse?

I Thought id tell You

As he walked down the path, he turned to see a grave, he read it quietly to himself.
“In loving Memory of the best horse in the world, R.I.P, Cato.” He knelt down and moved a bit of grass. “Struck By Lightning” He got up and bowed his head to the grave and walked away. Along the way he caught a glimpse of what seemed to be figure of a woman, with long red hair, In the trees, and holding a sword in her left hand.

So...Ye, Its Dead....

Ominous · 02-28-08, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moon.Crusader

I Thought id tell You

As he walked down the path, he turned to see a grave, he read it quietly to himself.
“In loving Memory of the best horse in the world, R.I.P, Cato.” He knelt down and moved a bit of grass. “Struck By Lightning” He got up and bowed his head to the grave and walked away. Along the way he caught a glimpse of what seemed to be figure of a woman, with long red hair, In the trees, and holding a sword in her left hand.

So...Ye, Its Dead....

Ah bra so sad. Cato.......

Seraph · 02-28-08, 01:29 PM

Lmao I Found it funny *gets evil glares* er...i mean, Oh No! *Sobs*